I have to leave where I was staying. I am tired and not been getting work done due to not finding any decent squats in SD. Boyfriend wont come out with me as he keeps changing his mind to stay where he is or come out with me and sleep outside. And we cant depend on friends anymore.
My boyfriend's friend who was squatting with me for safety was a good watch dog but a head case. A wonderful headcase, like from the old days. He recently accidentally set himself ablaze while messed up trying to do the fire breathing act from KISS concerts and I had to put him out with my sleeping bag. At the time it was..annoying and very draining but later something in me was fond of once again like my younger years dealing with a crazy. Crazy in a good sense not like so many people are today. He was old school. You recall the kind- always getting into something but hes interesting the stupid shit he pulls seems to slip out of memory..until he goes again I suppose. This wouldn't bother me if I wasn't living my life like a sailor trying to run a ship every day. I live like I am at war and must keep things going and organized.
Maybe I have low MAO levels, the fighter type, who feels normal once again when some action comes about or some battle or emergency. Years before only part of me was like that and I had this other side that could relax totally and be at full peace, deep deep sleep etc. Most likely due to the gang stalking breaking down programming I why I have lost some of my 'sides' or alters or capacity to enter altered states like that. Gang stalking makes you the sort of person who cannot relax at all. That compartmentalized system is a wonder and it was very valuable for preserving a true Inner Core that was untouched by my outer experiences. The system seems very threatened by this true Self or inner core. Its like the gang stalking experience is supposed to totally pervert and corrupt that untouched Core..and suck its energy out of you as well.
IF the perps are somehow energy or 'psychic' vampires or even it might be a form of ritual sacrifice just without spilling blood literally, then this energy would be most valuable to them...like a delicacy. Pure untouched spirit. It might even be akin to sacrificing a child as the Core has never been developed or corrupted. THIS would be one theory as to why a mc slave is saved from suicide programming only to be tortured into a state as I am now that is akin to living death or being a hollowed out shell of a person. This is why its called 'ritual abuse'. Its done all covertly and no evidence is left behind. This is why so many people get confused or convinced that RA was nothing more than 'satanic panic'. The system didnt want them to begin to understand that many of these things connected to the physical evidence of RA often occur in other states or in spiritual ways.
Like I have posted before it seems that all parties involved first and foremost want the general public to be ignorant of or disbelieve in spiritual matters. Its especially important that they do NOT realize from occult study and even documented history that 'magick' has always been and that technologies- primitive up to present- have always been a part of such process. The want the public to perceive that 'ritual' doesnt exist when in fact it exists in our daily lives in very mundane ways outside of religion.
What is interesting is that people are very willing to believe that thier concept of a 'God' works 'in mysterious ways' or 'through people' or miracles but yet they cannot perhaps will not believe readily that an opposite force also exists that operates likewise. And forget about in this society trying to bring about the perception of duality such as Hermetic systems. Its like this is the system's greatest fear.
I believe I understand why.
If a person behaves or acts in the interest of 'satanic' forces in a society, say in a culture such as the USA, where people often do so without even realizing that is what they are actively doing, then they are part of the system and fullfilling the agenda. If a person is truly Christian and not some self serving poser or charlatan, then they are acting in the interest of the same system by picking up the slack and helping manage the damages of such a system- taking care of the poor or casualties of a society set up in this manner.
But if someone is of a dualistic approach like Rosicrucianism or other that actually wants to change the system and improve social conditions not based on being reactionary but by changing the society's way of doing things from the root then this is a threat. Such a belief system actually accepts mankind as selfish, greedy, murderous etc and simply sees this as part of nature.
I notice that I am often encouraged to eventually take part in being a helper to society only if I do so in a passive non threatening manner or I am encouraged to take part in a very destructive,negative part of our society. Its been posted many times that much of the remote influence I experience of which the contents are either Satanic or very Christian, focusing on the more Jesus heavy Christianity. It's like Catholicism is even some sort of threat to the system.
Strangely me converting to Judeaism was also pushed at one time. Its like anything but gnosticism. I cannot believe that thousands of years later this is still a threat to a system of governance of the populace. Its amazing and really stupid actually. REALLY stupid, especially considering it comes to me naturally to be this way. Odd, very odd.
So this sort of validates all those theories about Masonic influence shaping what our country is or is governed by. That a similar system would be the only true threat.
(Yes I know as I finish writing that all the shrinks out there just read that as I percieve myself as a threat to the ultimate authority-the govt itself or shadow govt. Sorry its not that simple. And if you cant just explain away the gang stalking as insanity, then YOU tell ME what the f*ck is thier beef with me then??)
Actually I am quite innocent in my beliefs. All I ever wanted to do was change the system a bit to catch people who fall through the cracks and improve social conditions. Its like I did something really awful the way I am being treated. Which says alot about validating another 'conspiracy' theory: that mind controlled slaves, pedophilia and white slavery DO exist and prostitution, drugs and money laundering is connected so heavily that expendables need to stay EXPENDABLE to keep such a system functioning.
Unethical human experimentation is always fun too I guess and unfortunately this is more easily proved through documentation than any other claim that I make or theory I put forward to actually exist. I find it interesting that unethical human experimentation is always in the past tense..note how its always going on in past history. Its never caught in the present or prevented. This is indeed part of the system of pulling off human experimentation it seems. So that means that there is a constant business of unethical human experimentation in existence that does not cease and is only exposed after it has occured (with lame-ass promises that it will never happen again).
Anyway I dont know what to do. I cant see me with someone who isnt at war with the system. I loved having someone around as I magically stopped getting harassed.
One incident at the 12th and Imperial trolley stop I was waiting for him across the street, where the lavender flowers cover the wooden walls. A Mex came up to me, big sky blue pro sport shirt with a players number on it, 61. Sunglasses the whole look. He asked me if I had a pair of underwear I wanted to sell and this is where memory loss from mold comes in handy as often I miss what the perps are insinuating as I forget simple daily things...like the fact I did have a pair in my back pack from ust showering. Someone in the shower must have seen me stuffing it in my bag or whatever if he was truly a perp. That is a feasible way for the network to have gotten that info to use in a theatre. But I completely forgot so when he asked me if I had a pair to sell I was unphased. I simply answered him that I didnt have one (which I believed due to not recalling I had a pair on me) and if I did I would charge more than 10 dollars.
He also did what perps do which is get very close when he said it, kind of sweeping past my face very close and of course left confused due to me saying I did not have a pair so calmly.
Much of what is done to a TI is about constant interrigation and constantly letting them know that the network is in control, they have no privacy and the network knows everything they do- that the TI is watched constantly. This is the sole purpose of these excersises in my experinece with being targeted. Its akin to constantly keeping track of a woman to ensure she's a virgin or a constant chastity belt of control. That is what it feels like very much so. The TI must always remain 'open' to the perps and the gang stalking system. This is thier means on control.
I then told my boyfriend and brought him over to the trolley stop where the guy had walked over to after a few moments of acting confused (and shot down) on the street corner opposite me. I noted that very subtly, many security guards were quite nervous at this action, of my boyfriend searching this guy down. I also noted that that sort of harassment did not happen again at all.
It was obvious that day there was an element hanging around that area, antagonizing prob any TI there. You can feel how abnormal an area is or not natural or a group presense can be sensed when they are around. Perhaps it was gang activity in on the harassment and they are naturally occuring in that area anyway.
Later like a few days ago I had a few meltdowns there anyway due to the nature of that area being racist, sexist and negative anyway.
I had often said I did not want to be down there even just to shower or eat lunch. My boyfriend just ignores people but after being so terrorized I just cant. There is also alot of disrespect here and not minding your own business like in the northeast. Its so demoralizing and I have come to understand they know that damn well too.
Two things occured to me as to why this is also not a natural occurence or random.
Firstly I noted that since winter has been over the homeless scene has progressively sucked here and become very ugly. There is a sports stadium here and game season has just started. Most likely there is a covert system of keeping the homeless from interferring with that money due to it being so close to the homeless areas. Also after winter many homeless snowbirds leave so this seems to be a demographic they cater to in the winter which explains why it was so easy or pleasant here in the winter.
Secondly since having been near a tent today where it turned out the people were into crystal meth I realize now what was making me freak out so much down near St Vincnets: meth. In the northeast crack is much more popular or heroin. And crackheads like to congragate and hide among themselves. Meth seems to send people outdoors or on adventures for days out and about. When it was told that they were smoking in a tent close to us today I noticed that I couldnt breath so well temporarily and I became very aggitated. My voice sounded to me to be like I had breathed in helium and I was aware of the sound of my own voice to the point where it was unatural. I then realized that these symptoms are what has been uprooting me from a few squats around here lately as well as these are the same symptoms that I had very time I went down around St Vincents area. I would start to feel desperately out of control just like that if I spent too many hours down there. There must be so much damn meth down there being made and smoked that it just saturates the area. And its no surprise with my extreme sensitivity since having anyphylactic shock in December 09 from a Bactrim pill. I was already sensitive due to prolonged mold exposure.
The problem I now realize is that it was extrememly easy to piss me off and get me to react to any harassment when down there. It also helps the smear campaign I am sure with rumours of me being out of control probably due to some sort of drug use. Crystal meth? No, self respecting Bostonian would do that crap. It's so..trashy and its not even camp enough to be interesting. Like shooting dope is so ridiculous one has to laugh at how stupid one was in thier 20's..but at least one can look to Burroughs, Miles Davis, Poe, Wilde etc and note the altered state to have some merit. If one lives that is.
What has meth done for the arts? Maybe I am just out of date and dont know recent pop culture history and missed something. Whatever its just stupid and the chemicals used are so far from glorifying the power of Nature through plants its laughable. Its totally chemical from start to finish..it would be like someone preferring inhalants to opiates. Borrriiinng.
So if you try to squat here just realize that meth is everywhere and its a big problem. I realize I cant squat in the city. Its sad to realize that most urban campers here just want to get high or drunk and not fight or work outside of a corrupt system..or maybe this is the best they can do for rebellion. Remember- the Man loves petty criminals as they feed his corporate jail system as well as make you unable to think clearly and work against his set up. Society would rather see you using drugs.
An example is when my accountant mother told me that the banks and creditors probably give me a harder time due to me being a credit ghost becuz it means I dont partake in the system and I am not in the system. A person with bad credit is in the system and is now endebted to it.
I feel this way often about people on the street. It seems that authorities are more comfortable with people who are often in trouble or have been through the prison system.