I was feeling good about my living situation in the Tent shelter. Many of the women who left Rachel's ended up near me in the same little corner bunks. the woman i was hanging out with was pretty friendly with me until I got grabbed a few days ago at Albertson's. I came back with trauma issues re activated or those issues rearing thier heads. I almost went to the hospital due to feeling very low about what happened..it was triggering for sure but they warned me that here in CA 5150 will go on record so forget it. Its not like back home where Mcleans is a bit like it was in the old days, artists and other fragile people having 'nervous breakdowns' and convelesing around the grounds. Yes, big pharma and the psychiatric field has destroyed the concept of true 'wellness' and trauma based diagnosis as the norm, but there are still psychiatrists there that will work with you moreso on these levels than you being disordered or needing meds. In other parts of the country they put you in with really crazy people even if you are just suicidal or exhausted from overwork.
When I was telling the women around me what happened and then they were helping me out, the woman next to me told me this is a city where women dont have much status and that is different in the northeast. I then made a comment "I guess this isnt the place to get raped then" due to the fact that I felt that way at Albertsons. Also I had thought about it recently and this area seems a danger in that sense with so many street people. It was a sarcastic comment.
My friend girl #1, looks up at us and changes her face and character to this look I havent seen ever before. She said "y'all shouldnt laugh at that..." and stated that she took it personally.
This woman who is not from Rachels next to me, girl #2 we'll call her, is a dark skinned black girl who is very attractive but she is creepy as well. Like witchy. I often thought that when she looked at me she thought she was smarter than me or that she secretly looked down on all of us. One of those types. And she is someone that makes you feel like you shouldnt trust her, like she is into being vindictive or playing mind games. She is also one of those people that when she gets mad and irate and starts telling someone off its controlled aggression and very scary. Very scorpionic.
However, she has very heavy healing energy, when she drops the front, and is very attentive to people having a medical emergency or a problem. So I accepted her into the fold when actually girl #1, my new friend didnt like her much due to her complaining about being sick or something I forget.
I accepted her but I didnt trust her totally. When girl #1 took my comment to heart this woman was obviously ready to jump right for it. That comment I made was about ME being traumatized not others personal issues. Also I had bought girl #1 some things she needed as she is cashless but has EBT so we are supposed to be trading. She owes me like 10 bucks I think.
She has been hanging out with this new #2 and they came to see me and Shk, our other friend who is pregnant (who I am a bit more compatable with). Sha wasnt there but I was, they sat at my table with me and it kind of gave the message like "WE are here to visit you". Girl #1 had stopped hanging out with me in favor of this other girl, which is fine she can do as she likes. Perhaps we are better as friends in a group not close friends.
And I got this feeling all along that girl #2 was very into playing this situation where she gets in with gilr #1. Her energy is very strong and I felt a vampiric quality. You may not see what she is thinking or tell the way her mind works from what she says but if you catch the look in her eye in your parepheral vision or 'feel' the energy she is putting out, you can get a strong indication of what she is up to. Put together her feeling like she is smarter or better than plus girl #1 moving away from me and towards her and I know the results is this satisfaction from A becoming 'her friend'. But her energy is so strong that it really effects me. This is why I sensed a creepy or witchy quality.
I also started to realize that another reason that I didnt trust her is that she is one of those people that I can swear I know from somewhere but dont know where. For a survivor of mc that is probably one of the most worrisom and scariest things we go through. And worse is when we actually remember where we know them from. Also in the gas lighting part of my campaign, many people like Laura (my ex boyfriend's best black friend's ex girlfriend from years ago) and others have pretended that they dont know me and I recall them but dont know from where or they leak info in some way by accident that makes me recall who they really are. And they all deny ever knowing me or being in MA at any time, but usually take part in some kind of gang stalking of me at some point or like Laura, actually reveal that they are privvy to the full story about my situation..then of course go into character again.
I cud swear I have heard her voice before and I the dark skin complexion and her features..but I cannot place from where.
Also, I had reason to be a bit suspect of girl #1 all along as she is all of a sudden reading David Icke's big book, the green one not The Biggest Secret which is blue. She also claimed last weak that she is reading it due to having seen a shape shifing reptilian show thier true appearence through the facial skin of a human being on the street. That is when I decided to be very guarded with girl #1 becuz always I run into very suspect people who claim to have experience with the most outrageous parts of conspiracy theories. They are neve just gang stalked or are dealing with surviving programming or trauma. Its always something unbelievable.
She also has told me that in her past she has acted out as perps do by pretending to have Torrets Syndrome and messing with people. That should have been my first indication right there. That and the reptilian sighting.
Also she denied swearing when staff member K. the jerk who works in the mornings at Rachel's messed with her. I dont doubt that K. messed with her as I had experienced the same treatment. But I did hear her swear but it was well founded as K. messes with people to get them thrown out, thats her game.
So there is a moment of dishonesty right there and its not something she would need to do to protect herself as a targeted person.
Also she told me some gossip about an elderly homeless woman that I believe she claimed came from Shk pertaining to this elderly woman masterbating in public and the stalls at Rachel's Day Center. I asked Shk and she knew nothing about it but warned me about rumours around this scene.
There was a woman from Africa that I ended up talking to alot as she slept in the cot next to me at Rachel's and she also turned out to be well traveled so I liked dealing with another travelling person. She actually said something about girl #1 one day, that she wouldnt be good for me and she said it while laughing. Girl #1 said that in line one day at Rachel's she pushed her to hurry up, so its debatable wether Girl #1 is someone that she saw through to begin with or if she was the jerk.
So I come home yesterday to this shelter and Girl #1 's eyes are teared up and shes lying down. Other people in our crowd were acting odd so I asked her if everything was allright and she said "She didnt appreciate that comment yesterday and I didnt either". OK so now she isnt hanging out with me and this new girl is her new hangout bud and I am also being squeezed out now due to some comment that wasnt about her or related to her at all.
I am smart enough to know when I am being scapegoated, so I tell her honestly that I am sorry if that comment offended her but I was the one who was traumatized and she has to learn that its not always about HER. When someone else is having a 'moment' that is thier moment now yours and you need to put your own sh*t aside for that person having that moment.
Its not always about her just like it isnt always about ME. She closed her eyes and stopped listening probably and I wasnt dealing with it. I have had to be so controlled after what was done to me and it seems somehow that there is a good portion of society that believes I deserved what happened to me and I know that they have to validate thier opinions by denying anything else I say or my work on these blogs. F*ck them as usual as my response. For all I know its part of the gas lighting or deception used in gang stalking.
I know what happened to me and I have no reason to lie. In fact my telling the truth is my only revenge at this point. Everybody knows I was screwed over and railroaded and anyone who doesnt is either a jealous bitch or totally ignorant of the circumstances.
To screw someone over and then deny it is the perfect conditions for behavior modification programs becuz it ensures the Target is without support and isolated from society.
I go out and tell our older friend that I said what I did in response to MY situation. She got it. I shouldnt have even had to deal with any of this and its VERY selfish of everyone to be doing this to me or for Girl #1 to be having me percieved as a jerk while I am still working through what happened the other day.
There were other indications that she disregards me or is disrespectful of me. She told Shk the other day that I am bothered by mold in tent that no one else can smell and waved her hand in dismissal when she said it.
Also, the same day Shk went onto a website that was infected and it got blocked. When I fixed it Girl #1. said "lets watch it again". We were both like 'what the hell is wrong with that?' .
Just little things were what I kept track of. And it I was wise to not give any info or get too close as look what is happening now. I am feeling very uncomfortable in my own bed. That duo now has power due to Girl #1. using the angle that I upset her.
This morning when our older friend was sick, me and Girl #2. tended to her as we both have a similar nature that way. The look I could see out of corner of my eye was Girl #1 looking frustrated that I got involved or maybe that it wasnt about her anymore.
This is the problem with being a TI is you never know who is genuine and who is a perp. And to anyone who isnt familiar with gang stalking would say the target is delusional or paranoid. YOU dont know what I have seen, what any TI has seen. Its totally 'down the rabbit hole'..twighlight zone. Covert activity and warfare in this way might be the most mind bending and disturbing events you will ever experience.
I am staying to myself again but these two have an energy to them and Girl #2 has a strong presence. I feel I am so beyond normal relationship dynamics with other people due to my experiences that I just dont operate the same way I used to.
I have worked so hard on all this and to stay alive I no longer have the patients for petty bs.
What disburbs me is how suseptible to others energy fields now after years of this bs. Its actually dangerous as you can see it effects me deeply.
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