i am going to try to travel with him again. just becuz its not safe right now. but i will make sure I keep more control over my own affairs. i also will not try to influence him so much. we spend too much time together and we have some things in common but not as much as it takes to be in someone's face all the time. I always feel like he weighs down something about me, whatever makes me fast and fleet of foot. I cant stand it.
Hes like a stagnant pool. I am like a force that keeps trying break out of a frozen over pond. I always had that image mentally as what a real horrible situation would be like. Trying to find a hole to get out of a body of water you fell through, not being able to find it. Feeling along the top ice under water, knowing its just a matter of time.
Fun what goes through Survivor's heads isnt it? Or is it put in our heads by outside forces? Survivors have the particularly horrible experience throughout life of knowing somewhere in there what is in store for us and what is, eventually, going to happen to us. What our fates are.
Survivors of programming often cry during certain movies for this reason- they know from info within their programming certain things about their own futures. Yet there is nothing one can do about it. This information is embedded within the programming system.
Only when a process akin to Pinnochio becoming a real boy occurs, can Survivors have Willful control over thier lives.
That of course is when the external system of controls comes after Survivors. Ensuring they become nothing more than has beens. Destroyed.