In my traveling and doing the homeless shelter circuit I have experienced deplorable conditions as well as unqualified, biased or corrupt staff. Most of these places are funded by YOUR tax dollars as well as some also gain funds from being faith based from thier circle..with tax breaks I am sure.
San Diego is one of the places where shelter staff seems to be overtly compassionate and not bible thumping.
The staff at some places can be trying at times but never as bad as say Boston which is a nightmare as far as staff goes..so they cover thier asses with real estate ownership and glitzy sales pitches. That doesnt change the fact that staff mistreat and even abuse people. You can shine all you want in the hard to break into Boston social and business scene..its still a fact. This is the problem with Boston...the scene is hard to break into but once you are in, you can do no wrong and everyone else will cover your ass, which is grossly unfair and in alot of what they pull- illegal.
The Tent has been wonderful..for what it is. The staff actually work with us and only pull games very occasionally or minimally and its usually due to them being very busy. A very small staff dealing with so many people its impressive. This morning one of them piped up to keep quiet and have respect for the people still sleeping. Do you understand how music that is to my ears? In many places staff doesnt care if you get no sleep but they will be very stern about you waking up in the morning and even treat you like you are lazy somehow due to having trouble getting up.
The homeless scene in the USA is very very sick and full of people in denial about the homeless population. Its due to citizens having to kiss the ass of a Capitalistic society that has gone into fascist areas in its rule. Years ago many of these people would not be in your face on the street or in a shelter down the street from you or in your city due to apartments being much cheaper. When I was a kid in the 70's a 3 bedroom was like 200-400 dollars. In the early 90's a two bedroom in Allston, a used to be hip part of Boston for college kids whos parents arent loaded or into paying for a ritzy place during college, was 700 dolllars. During the late 90's gentrification spread and rents doubled in most major cities. They have topped off now as being perhaps a bit more expensive than that but I recall how all land lords had to do was make a few improvements and then they could call themselves part of this new world of gentrification- and double thier rents. It wasnt like here in San Diego where all new buildings were put up.
And the people who could fight this have all given up or left the USA which is cowardly and stupid due to that leaving only the *ssholes who caused this or benifit from this to live here. Leaving the US is like letting cancer cells fester and spread, as you think running away from the problem will make YOUR life easier. All you are doing is allowing such a model to look like it actually works and other nations may take on this model or may praise America for its taking part in this NWO. Really what they have done is penalize anyone who cant pay or wont fit in and some very smart and talented people have gone homeless or left the USA and in the former situation, many are then stigmatized so that society believes they need medication..simply becuz they are targeted and I dont mean as heavily as outright gang stalking.
If you cant see that making America a strong country during globalization has been done by denying many of its citizens thier rights as well as grossly exploiting people overseas you are living in denial or ignorance.
A plane or helicopter is flying very low over the tent area and has been for 10 minutes now..even THAT is an intimated threat to US citizens in our Orwellian society nowadays. As I write this the plane has veered off and headed south. Just as I have written this. I asked a woman what that daily disturbance was exactly and she said it may be a police helicopter but wasnt sure and didnt care. This is why the overlords "hate the smart ones" as I was told once in Boston.
In future I want to do some writing concerning what federal standards need to be impemented in the homeless system in the USA. One is the use of cleaning and other dangerous chemicals. Some suggestions also on standardization for building showers, bathrooms or shelters themselves as much of what exists does not efficiently serve the needs of both the client, the staff or the investors/administrators. Much of what is built costs more than it probably should in the long run.
I have not seen in the USA much of anything with the traveller in mind other than places one would find specific to such a mindset and these are usually places that are costly.
One of the reasons that the tent is better suited to people living houseless is that despite it being wet twice a week due to cleaning and its difficult to breath, that is only twice a week. Many shelters that are physical buildings are moldy beyond what would be acceptable if they were rented out or owned by a homeowner. This goes for hostels as well.
One of the reasons that some people sleep outside is due to chemical sensitivity such as myself, where I gained this condition from a water damaged apartment for 3 years of exposure. Sleeping inside usually eventually makes this condition worse and relief is only gained in the southwest due to it being very dry. Most people without these conditions are ignorant of how it affects the sufferer.
If you've decided that becoming 'homeless' or traveling is at some point a necessity to survive whether temporarily or as a permanent lifestyle you are not alone. Safe travels. Stay above water. © 2007-2020
3/20/10
St Vincents and remote influence..first experience, mostly due to security most likely
http://www.svdpv.org/
Harassment at St Vincents, and it was all tech. They are usually pretty nice to me and helpful. But I had never been to the lobby before and someone said I could charge my phone. This dude told me where the outlet was until someone told me I couldnt charge there after all but during the time I was charging I noticed some strange activity. I noticed that there was alot of families or women with children coming out of the gate/door to the lobby. I guess this was the family program and I didnt realize it as I have little to do with St Vincents up to this point. I am glad they provide showers and meals and a bad weather overflow but I have heard they put alot of structure on you in thier programs and I have enough self imposed structure that I carry out daily with quite alot of discipline..I am trying to get a book started as well as my blogs written daily and that takes research, time and thought. I just let the world think I am lazy as this is what everyone thinks of homeless people anyway, except in certain places like Boston where it isnt unusual for working people or college students to make a shelter their home for years on end due to rents being high or them not fitting into the snooty collegiate population. Many people find a much needed home in shelters and its the closest thing to family they will ever have.
I get more work done by letting stupid people remain stupid about what exactly homeless people are up to anyway. F*ck em. Nobody wants to admit to how smart many of us out here are and when it comes to stalking and harassment its just easier to say that I am some crazy, damaged or delusional woman who writes all day- but sadly it means little as I am not working, earning, owning anything or socializing in 'normal' society as well as I am writing about something that does not exist anyway. See how easy it is for society to manage perceptions? And do you see how, like an alchemist, one can reform what is theirs to serve ones own ends. This is why its so important for the system to keep a TI on the run, from shelter to shelter and state to state. It makes it so one gets little done even in an environment where one should be able to be left alone.
Really with my situation its all about making me look crazy or a bad person who cant get along iwth people as this is common practice when discrediting a potential victim witness as well as the other situation where someone who is a victim of sexual slavery or anything connected to as pedo family-usually the one child who acts out or actually tells on the perps or the family will be denied thier right to speak and to live not only by the cops but the neighborhood, all of society usually and the family will make sure the person is gaslighted so that they appear to be 'the f*ckup' and their story cannot be believed. Scott proved my theories on this by constantly bad mouthing his sister Claire, when its obvious that that damn family was riddled with incest. Gee I wonder why shes f*cked up? Hmm lets think now. Then of couse like a good little trauam victim he slips info through his compartments by admitting to that being indeed the true case.
F*ck all these people, they will not shove me in some closet and beat me down and gaslight me until I dont know what is true and what is not. The cops are in on all this bs partly becuz there is always a population of people in authority that are sick f*cks but also becuz they have to protect the investments and the interests of the very wealthy, especially if those are perversions. I am not being moralistic, just realistic. I believe that men are always going to want to fool around and go to strip clubs whatiever, but I dont approve of screwing around with young children. End of story. That has always been my feeling and it is to this day. I am not so American as to be adverse to a more European outlook, like a younger person being with a bit older perhson. I was a young girl once myself many of my friends of like 14 or 15 were with 19 year olds. Today that is shocking but perhaps we were only 20 years away from the late 60's back then and it was a different world, I dont know. I just think people focus so much on rules nowadays that they lose sight of individuality and humanity. Its a much sicker world now I think trying hard to control 'crime' but in the process brining about more injustice. And in the big picture its just in the interest of pushing through globalization and having the US put up with what Bush did during his administration. Yer a criminal if you question authority- its that simple.
And with the use of tech that the public are NOT aware of as thought control people cannot possibly know thier own minds at this point anyway. I often wonder if thought control of this nature is used in very wealthy neiborhoods or if its only used on the poor and the homeless thus this is why threats to the agenda are pushed into the homeless population.
Anyway, my experience today in that lobby was like I wrote I realized it was the family side. Before that I had offered some candy to the guy who told me where the outlet was and to the lady behind hte counter. She gets this phonecall and you can tell its from security who is watching. I hadnt seen people coming in and out yet. She had refused candy as she is not allowed to take gifts from clients. That should have been the end of it. You can hear her telling someone "..candy, and that guy right there" like whoever she is talking to is watching what is going on as it happens in the lobby. "that guy right there' indicates whoever she is on the phone with can see what she sees in the same area. Duh.
Then I sat queitly and waited for my stuff to be done with for at least a few minutes. Thats when I started to notice women with children coming and going, and thier mothers or whatever. I thought nothuing of it until I got this really creepy feeling about me sitting there and the fact women with children were coming and going through there. I actually started to notice my own presence there as suspicious when by nature I would not as I AM a woman so it doesnt phase me that women with children are coming through. It was small babies to not infants. I started to percieve myself as being suspect and possilby perverted or suspected of that for sitting there. I noted the security call and realized that this is either the use of remote influence through the capibility of thier security system or my psychic sensitivities telling me exactly what some paranoid or harassing security jerk behind the cameras was thinking. That happens alot actually. I actually sense when police go by and have often gotten info that way. Actually support usually. I can always sense when decent cops are around as I get the support of ideations that I was indeed screwed over and I am doing the right thing by fighting. Its either part of the military toys cops are equipped with now or its the fact that cops are chipped in some way not to thier knowledge. Its very possible that people that seem to randomly become police are actually programmed from infancy and the system keeps tabs on them throughout life and ensures through events being manipulated that they seem to randomly become police. Also if many of them are former military this would make sense as well.
It would also make sense as to why so fewer cops have been a pain in my ass as far as gang stalking compared to private security companies who most TI's can count as a major source of harassment.
They will hire anybody really, I mean compared to the cops. A homeless woman in one of the shelters puts on her Wackenhut uniform and goes to work every night. I mean its good that she works but you have to be realistic about security compared to real authority. The problem with hte USA now is that any one with a damn badge is god and that should not be how it is as for some of us this bowing down due to 9-11 has been the major reason our lives could be ruined so easily. Anyone who was corrupt just dons a badge and viola! The crooks can get rid of their enemies taking advantage of the confusion and fear of wartime. And the sheep let them get away with it.
This creeped out feeling towards MY own self lasted until I pulled the chord out of the wall. It stayed with me though and it kept me feeling bad all the way down the street to the trolley.
Wondering about the coincidences concerning my mother mentioning years ago that people had started to treat her like they didnt trust her around children. And I recalled the one NA meeting I brought her to in Watertown and all women's meeting where I thought she would be safe. Every woman there talked about incest and being molested. She mentioned that she was surprised by the numbers in just one meeting. Dont sweat it Ma, its called organized stalking and harassment and the bitches in that meeting knew exactly what they were doing. Alot of wives and ex wives of musicians, jazz and other wise in there. Lots of rich bitches and trust fund kids from extremely wealthy families on welfare.
I guess they have to do something to make themselves feel better about never having the strength to walk away from the abusive family that keeps them on that leash made of money, or that abusive husband who used to throw them out into the snow with thier babies at 3 am..doesnt always pay to live in Newton MA when the guy is a jerk eh?
I walked away. I am free. I stay away from people who abuse me, which is why the system mnust sent such people to do so. I couldnt believe how much mind control is used on these kids by thier rich f*cked up families. You bastards do as you like...YOU are the ones who are lazy not I. And you live in denial. Becuz you cant survive without your families money. hahahahahahahahahaha. That is why Jake didnt have the spine to tell his mom to get off his ass..so he sold me out instead as a scapegoat for those feelings. You cant tell off the bank now can you? All those self righteous rich bastards are going to be painted as fairly as they deserve. I, unlike they, have the class to be fair to people I feel are far beneath me. I think by now we can tell who's grandparents were Marines and who were just rich crooked f*cks. Take a guess.
They also dont seem to program lazy people either. Rich lazy people.
Even Burroughs had to hit the road with just a small trust fund, the rest was a struggle. If you dont think that guy was either programmed, targeted or wrapped up in some covert bs think again and look much more closely.
So I am glad that I dont go to St Vincents with thier overbearing program. When is there going to be a program for homeless talented artists and writers?
uh...Hello?
Harassment at St Vincents, and it was all tech. They are usually pretty nice to me and helpful. But I had never been to the lobby before and someone said I could charge my phone. This dude told me where the outlet was until someone told me I couldnt charge there after all but during the time I was charging I noticed some strange activity. I noticed that there was alot of families or women with children coming out of the gate/door to the lobby. I guess this was the family program and I didnt realize it as I have little to do with St Vincents up to this point. I am glad they provide showers and meals and a bad weather overflow but I have heard they put alot of structure on you in thier programs and I have enough self imposed structure that I carry out daily with quite alot of discipline..I am trying to get a book started as well as my blogs written daily and that takes research, time and thought. I just let the world think I am lazy as this is what everyone thinks of homeless people anyway, except in certain places like Boston where it isnt unusual for working people or college students to make a shelter their home for years on end due to rents being high or them not fitting into the snooty collegiate population. Many people find a much needed home in shelters and its the closest thing to family they will ever have.
I get more work done by letting stupid people remain stupid about what exactly homeless people are up to anyway. F*ck em. Nobody wants to admit to how smart many of us out here are and when it comes to stalking and harassment its just easier to say that I am some crazy, damaged or delusional woman who writes all day- but sadly it means little as I am not working, earning, owning anything or socializing in 'normal' society as well as I am writing about something that does not exist anyway. See how easy it is for society to manage perceptions? And do you see how, like an alchemist, one can reform what is theirs to serve ones own ends. This is why its so important for the system to keep a TI on the run, from shelter to shelter and state to state. It makes it so one gets little done even in an environment where one should be able to be left alone.
Really with my situation its all about making me look crazy or a bad person who cant get along iwth people as this is common practice when discrediting a potential victim witness as well as the other situation where someone who is a victim of sexual slavery or anything connected to as pedo family-usually the one child who acts out or actually tells on the perps or the family will be denied thier right to speak and to live not only by the cops but the neighborhood, all of society usually and the family will make sure the person is gaslighted so that they appear to be 'the f*ckup' and their story cannot be believed. Scott proved my theories on this by constantly bad mouthing his sister Claire, when its obvious that that damn family was riddled with incest. Gee I wonder why shes f*cked up? Hmm lets think now. Then of couse like a good little trauam victim he slips info through his compartments by admitting to that being indeed the true case.
F*ck all these people, they will not shove me in some closet and beat me down and gaslight me until I dont know what is true and what is not. The cops are in on all this bs partly becuz there is always a population of people in authority that are sick f*cks but also becuz they have to protect the investments and the interests of the very wealthy, especially if those are perversions. I am not being moralistic, just realistic. I believe that men are always going to want to fool around and go to strip clubs whatiever, but I dont approve of screwing around with young children. End of story. That has always been my feeling and it is to this day. I am not so American as to be adverse to a more European outlook, like a younger person being with a bit older perhson. I was a young girl once myself many of my friends of like 14 or 15 were with 19 year olds. Today that is shocking but perhaps we were only 20 years away from the late 60's back then and it was a different world, I dont know. I just think people focus so much on rules nowadays that they lose sight of individuality and humanity. Its a much sicker world now I think trying hard to control 'crime' but in the process brining about more injustice. And in the big picture its just in the interest of pushing through globalization and having the US put up with what Bush did during his administration. Yer a criminal if you question authority- its that simple.
And with the use of tech that the public are NOT aware of as thought control people cannot possibly know thier own minds at this point anyway. I often wonder if thought control of this nature is used in very wealthy neiborhoods or if its only used on the poor and the homeless thus this is why threats to the agenda are pushed into the homeless population.
Anyway, my experience today in that lobby was like I wrote I realized it was the family side. Before that I had offered some candy to the guy who told me where the outlet was and to the lady behind hte counter. She gets this phonecall and you can tell its from security who is watching. I hadnt seen people coming in and out yet. She had refused candy as she is not allowed to take gifts from clients. That should have been the end of it. You can hear her telling someone "..candy, and that guy right there" like whoever she is talking to is watching what is going on as it happens in the lobby. "that guy right there' indicates whoever she is on the phone with can see what she sees in the same area. Duh.
Then I sat queitly and waited for my stuff to be done with for at least a few minutes. Thats when I started to notice women with children coming and going, and thier mothers or whatever. I thought nothuing of it until I got this really creepy feeling about me sitting there and the fact women with children were coming and going through there. I actually started to notice my own presence there as suspicious when by nature I would not as I AM a woman so it doesnt phase me that women with children are coming through. It was small babies to not infants. I started to percieve myself as being suspect and possilby perverted or suspected of that for sitting there. I noted the security call and realized that this is either the use of remote influence through the capibility of thier security system or my psychic sensitivities telling me exactly what some paranoid or harassing security jerk behind the cameras was thinking. That happens alot actually. I actually sense when police go by and have often gotten info that way. Actually support usually. I can always sense when decent cops are around as I get the support of ideations that I was indeed screwed over and I am doing the right thing by fighting. Its either part of the military toys cops are equipped with now or its the fact that cops are chipped in some way not to thier knowledge. Its very possible that people that seem to randomly become police are actually programmed from infancy and the system keeps tabs on them throughout life and ensures through events being manipulated that they seem to randomly become police. Also if many of them are former military this would make sense as well.
It would also make sense as to why so fewer cops have been a pain in my ass as far as gang stalking compared to private security companies who most TI's can count as a major source of harassment.
They will hire anybody really, I mean compared to the cops. A homeless woman in one of the shelters puts on her Wackenhut uniform and goes to work every night. I mean its good that she works but you have to be realistic about security compared to real authority. The problem with hte USA now is that any one with a damn badge is god and that should not be how it is as for some of us this bowing down due to 9-11 has been the major reason our lives could be ruined so easily. Anyone who was corrupt just dons a badge and viola! The crooks can get rid of their enemies taking advantage of the confusion and fear of wartime. And the sheep let them get away with it.
This creeped out feeling towards MY own self lasted until I pulled the chord out of the wall. It stayed with me though and it kept me feeling bad all the way down the street to the trolley.
Wondering about the coincidences concerning my mother mentioning years ago that people had started to treat her like they didnt trust her around children. And I recalled the one NA meeting I brought her to in Watertown and all women's meeting where I thought she would be safe. Every woman there talked about incest and being molested. She mentioned that she was surprised by the numbers in just one meeting. Dont sweat it Ma, its called organized stalking and harassment and the bitches in that meeting knew exactly what they were doing. Alot of wives and ex wives of musicians, jazz and other wise in there. Lots of rich bitches and trust fund kids from extremely wealthy families on welfare.
I guess they have to do something to make themselves feel better about never having the strength to walk away from the abusive family that keeps them on that leash made of money, or that abusive husband who used to throw them out into the snow with thier babies at 3 am..doesnt always pay to live in Newton MA when the guy is a jerk eh?
I walked away. I am free. I stay away from people who abuse me, which is why the system mnust sent such people to do so. I couldnt believe how much mind control is used on these kids by thier rich f*cked up families. You bastards do as you like...YOU are the ones who are lazy not I. And you live in denial. Becuz you cant survive without your families money. hahahahahahahahahaha. That is why Jake didnt have the spine to tell his mom to get off his ass..so he sold me out instead as a scapegoat for those feelings. You cant tell off the bank now can you? All those self righteous rich bastards are going to be painted as fairly as they deserve. I, unlike they, have the class to be fair to people I feel are far beneath me. I think by now we can tell who's grandparents were Marines and who were just rich crooked f*cks. Take a guess.
They also dont seem to program lazy people either. Rich lazy people.
Even Burroughs had to hit the road with just a small trust fund, the rest was a struggle. If you dont think that guy was either programmed, targeted or wrapped up in some covert bs think again and look much more closely.
So I am glad that I dont go to St Vincents with thier overbearing program. When is there going to be a program for homeless talented artists and writers?
uh...Hello?
3/19/10
Trying to stay til end of month at The Tent (Alpha Project)
Its the last week or two there and something has changed. There is alot of bad energy there now. I think this is the time of year when everyone gets geared up to chase as many homeless out of the city as possible due to winter being over.
I feel so godamn spied on in that f*cking tent...and it that feeling, that burden leaves me when I walk out of the tent just into the lot right outside of it.
I cant tell if the energy is coming from actual people inside the tent or if there is some other form of survaillence in there. Its maddening I'll tell you that.
And then you walk outside and the area is targeted, obviously to keep everyone in line. Whatever gang stalking consists of like community watch or whatever human forces are used, its used on this area around The Tent, where many homeless street people sleep on sidewalks as well as The Tent being there.
I note that this subsides when one gets past Albertsons into the downtown YUPpy/fully gentrified area.
And there is also a force that seems to mind most of San Diego that intimidates women in general. Its true that Mexican men are very disrespectful as they look into your face when they pass on foot or in a vehicle and I believe they just dont know any better due to cultural differences. They dont realize that some European peoples take this as a direct threat of war or battle. I have personally had many a fantasy due to this behavior of just whipping out a gun and ridding the world of such men and thier intrusions...and for me to have to use fantasy to not start kicking ass in real life, it must really be affecting me. I notice that the black men here do a more mild version of this but when I take off my sunglasses and they can see my eyes THEY at least know better and get respectful real motherf*ckin quick. The Mex men just dont see any difference once they can see my eyes. This is however in my experience, the norm in many tribes of Native North/Central Americans. Some tribes are very different from that but people who's DNA comes from certain tribes of "indians" (Native North Americans) as well as "Mexicans" (Spanish mixed with Native northern Central Americans) do have this warlike tendency to stare right into a person's eyes and its almost as if they are right in your face but they are physically very far away.
Most of the country is full of ignorant blacks and other cultures that believe that most whites are push overs, fearful, weak, ignorant and have no spiritual power. They are largely correct.
They sense whites weakness from being destroyed through 2ooo years of oppression during the burning days of the church. They sense what history books tell us: that Indo European peoples have been neutered, they have been effectively tamed, that they have been extracted from their pagan roots and all connections to 'earth magick' and heavy spiritual energies and after this extraction, the wound was sealed, as to permanently keep them removed from thier roots.
And most 'white' pagan belief systems are still afraid of the church as they feel they must claim 'white light' status (even though many of them dont act that way). How many Wiccans do I know that are selfish jerks or haters? Alot. But they whine in their innocent voices "I only practice white magic". One has to bust out laughing. If you are human you are capable of good or evil and our world is full of such everyday. I am sure some people are that evolved but I have had mixed experiences with people claiming to practice only a certain form of 'magick'. Whatever, the way things are going in this country it doesnt matter much anymore anyway. The gang stalking system as well as tech is what ultimately rules now. Why dont you project to destroy the towers ( I call them Thelsa Doom's towers now that I understand what they are used for most likely. ) or whatever faction is behind them? Becuz that is the real war now. They have the capacity to destroy powerful psychics with the gang stalking system itself so if you set out to do battle watch out. You'll end up on the street half insane or worse- acting like an aveage normal person. I say suicide after disclosure. Its all they deserve really. But DONT conform..thats what they want. Only THEY want to have power and that power is some natural psychics on thier side but alot of tech is used. F*ck em. Disclose and get out before they have you working in a damn office and smiling about it like your actually happy to be alive and ruled like a slave. Or married and happy about that, calling yourself a couple and promoting a sane, happy, Christian loving, normal American lifestyle that is everything in moderation, under God with the approval of your peers..and then you'll probably start pushing that lifestyle on anyone who isnt conforming thus becoming a perp via full blown modification. You dont know the things they have tried to push one me with targeting me. Mostly it seems this system wants me tamed and normalized. This is thier version of 'happy'. They dont understand artists, they dont understand spiritual or psychic people and it seems whoever is doing this really doesnt understand women beyond controllling them. If you want to live in a psycho civilized society then you go righ ahead, I think its disgusting and worse than mind control slavery via programming every could be. Its not worth living for I'll tell you that.)
I was probably foolish to come here anyway. I mean I cant believe that I didnt see it sooner: I have been complaining about this being a DNA dead zone anyway, where there are no strong tall muscular whites - men or women. The whites that are here scream 'average' and that's about all . Why was I thinking that a tall, built smart white woman with an north east coast attitude was going to be left alone here? The only thing that intimidates the non white population here is that the whites use class against them everyday. For all I know there may be this CA thing where blacks and Mexican men are taught from the time they are small that the only way to take down the nation (CA for them as everyone here never travels outside CA) or thier little part of it is to intimidate whenever they can. I notice its only MEN who are doing this here.
The gang stalking is very subtle here but its constant. And its so lame when it comes to achievement or brains unlike where I am from that this may be the extent of thier 'protests' or fighting for equality. Its perhaps CA laid back attitude that makes the gang stalking not so overt..yes you can make something covert very overt in the moment you are doing it. Too many men go by me and steal my confidence away with looking at me in cars, trucks and going by me. If I could film it for you, you would know what I am talking about. Its not normal, it doesn look like men just checking out an attractive woman..its stalking and harassment and its by a large number of people that are organized- end of story.
Today in Albertson's this guy who looked like he worked in the meat dept, with a white outfit on, ran up behind me like he absolutely had to get into line behined me. Something made me hesitate, like I should get out of the situation ASAP. He played my confusion off well and I regretted not leaving becuz he spent the whole time drawing my attention and using that to have this slight very slight smirk and look on his face that made me stare him down the whole time. I dont know if these are people who just know who I am by seeing something on the internet that I dont know about or if they are in on the harassment. The harassment here consists mostly of men trying to make me feel bad about being a woman especially a poor homeless woman. In fact I have not seen one woman in on this in that fashion. Perhaps they have done other things like take up my time or something with convesation etc but its not been overt.
There is ALOT of energy stealing here via constant assaults by a male army of perps. You feel your confidence jsut draining away with the rest of your energy and becuz of the intimations from the all male parade daily it, once again, somehow leads into 'go back into the business, thats all yer worth'. So if they dont use tech to try to melt your brain into getting you back into sexwork then they will use partial tech as well as human forces making you feel like shit and pressuring you back into the sex industry.
That seems to be the main goal of this system is to get me into some extreme form of sex work in the industry. Someplace where thier breaking me down and humiliating me will pay off for them becuz I believe its hoped that I wont care about controlling my own life at that point nad will be totally controllable or do anything I am asked to do probably with absolutley no pay or benefits. The reason that this is so unacceptable to me, beyond the obvious reasons is safety.
I have heard from other survivors of programming that they overheard handlers talking about a snuff film as the last exploitation of them for profit and as a way to get rid of them due to them approaching that age when expendables either die of suicide programming or are killed.
After all I have fought for, against and done in this fight for my freedom and my birthrights there is no f*ckin way that I am going to let a bunch of mere males burn me down to the point where I am a submissive sex slave WITHOUT alters or a system of compartmentalization who is totally depraved and is going to be murdered in a snuff film or just used until I die of some injury.
No f*ckin way. If you are part of this or privvy to watching or spying on all this somehow and you think you know what this is about and its 'harmless' and not hurting anyone yer an idiot.
I may act stupid to survive and I may even have alters who are innocent and stupid but I have dealt with career criminals all my life. These people are into some serious shit. My uncle's people just blew people away without a care in the world and my mother's attitude is not much better. My grandfather was a violent sex offender who I luckily had the fight to tell to f*ck off and my associates from my 20's are probably way worse than any of them as they actually achieve wealth via those means. Who the f*ck do you think I am dealing with here? I was actually told once by my old 'associate' not to have anything to do with a certain town connected to the industry and it was very suspect. Montths later a girl in the industry was found dead there..like the people I knew had some forwarning about some sick f*ck living there. And what about that nanny who ended up cut in half in that dumpster...like Boston doesn know who did it..give me a break. I have had detective cars go by me in Kenmore sq last summer and felt the evil coming out of that car. I can feel these people. And for some reason the bastards can mind thier own business and let me be.
And the sheer magnitude of the networks just ruins life for a target. If these people rule the country and perhaps the world then what is life worth anyway? What, its easier to say I am insane or delusional? Or that the whole idea of a group that massive existing, that is capable of sophisticated psychological warfare on just one person?
This world is ruined for me as well as my looks are gone, my health is ruined and my future is gone. Its like they murder you through these means becuz you refuse to die of suicide programming. Slavery does exist and its in the form of mind control and programming.
I hope man programs machines and enslaves them the way that they have done to humans...and I hope they rise up and destroy humanity for what they have done to me and other programmed mind control survivors who just wanted to grow up and help others. And these companies are working on robots and trying to get computers to think...obviously on classified levels they already have total interface with humans that serves as handlers or mind control for human beings..a policing of sorts through interface.
I hope you get yours for what you have done.
I feel so godamn spied on in that f*cking tent...and it that feeling, that burden leaves me when I walk out of the tent just into the lot right outside of it.
I cant tell if the energy is coming from actual people inside the tent or if there is some other form of survaillence in there. Its maddening I'll tell you that.
And then you walk outside and the area is targeted, obviously to keep everyone in line. Whatever gang stalking consists of like community watch or whatever human forces are used, its used on this area around The Tent, where many homeless street people sleep on sidewalks as well as The Tent being there.
I note that this subsides when one gets past Albertsons into the downtown YUPpy/fully gentrified area.
And there is also a force that seems to mind most of San Diego that intimidates women in general. Its true that Mexican men are very disrespectful as they look into your face when they pass on foot or in a vehicle and I believe they just dont know any better due to cultural differences. They dont realize that some European peoples take this as a direct threat of war or battle. I have personally had many a fantasy due to this behavior of just whipping out a gun and ridding the world of such men and thier intrusions...and for me to have to use fantasy to not start kicking ass in real life, it must really be affecting me. I notice that the black men here do a more mild version of this but when I take off my sunglasses and they can see my eyes THEY at least know better and get respectful real motherf*ckin quick. The Mex men just dont see any difference once they can see my eyes. This is however in my experience, the norm in many tribes of Native North/Central Americans. Some tribes are very different from that but people who's DNA comes from certain tribes of "indians" (Native North Americans) as well as "Mexicans" (Spanish mixed with Native northern Central Americans) do have this warlike tendency to stare right into a person's eyes and its almost as if they are right in your face but they are physically very far away.
Most of the country is full of ignorant blacks and other cultures that believe that most whites are push overs, fearful, weak, ignorant and have no spiritual power. They are largely correct.
They sense whites weakness from being destroyed through 2ooo years of oppression during the burning days of the church. They sense what history books tell us: that Indo European peoples have been neutered, they have been effectively tamed, that they have been extracted from their pagan roots and all connections to 'earth magick' and heavy spiritual energies and after this extraction, the wound was sealed, as to permanently keep them removed from thier roots.
And most 'white' pagan belief systems are still afraid of the church as they feel they must claim 'white light' status (even though many of them dont act that way). How many Wiccans do I know that are selfish jerks or haters? Alot. But they whine in their innocent voices "I only practice white magic". One has to bust out laughing. If you are human you are capable of good or evil and our world is full of such everyday. I am sure some people are that evolved but I have had mixed experiences with people claiming to practice only a certain form of 'magick'. Whatever, the way things are going in this country it doesnt matter much anymore anyway. The gang stalking system as well as tech is what ultimately rules now. Why dont you project to destroy the towers ( I call them Thelsa Doom's towers now that I understand what they are used for most likely. ) or whatever faction is behind them? Becuz that is the real war now. They have the capacity to destroy powerful psychics with the gang stalking system itself so if you set out to do battle watch out. You'll end up on the street half insane or worse- acting like an aveage normal person. I say suicide after disclosure. Its all they deserve really. But DONT conform..thats what they want. Only THEY want to have power and that power is some natural psychics on thier side but alot of tech is used. F*ck em. Disclose and get out before they have you working in a damn office and smiling about it like your actually happy to be alive and ruled like a slave. Or married and happy about that, calling yourself a couple and promoting a sane, happy, Christian loving, normal American lifestyle that is everything in moderation, under God with the approval of your peers..and then you'll probably start pushing that lifestyle on anyone who isnt conforming thus becoming a perp via full blown modification. You dont know the things they have tried to push one me with targeting me. Mostly it seems this system wants me tamed and normalized. This is thier version of 'happy'. They dont understand artists, they dont understand spiritual or psychic people and it seems whoever is doing this really doesnt understand women beyond controllling them. If you want to live in a psycho civilized society then you go righ ahead, I think its disgusting and worse than mind control slavery via programming every could be. Its not worth living for I'll tell you that.)
I was probably foolish to come here anyway. I mean I cant believe that I didnt see it sooner: I have been complaining about this being a DNA dead zone anyway, where there are no strong tall muscular whites - men or women. The whites that are here scream 'average' and that's about all . Why was I thinking that a tall, built smart white woman with an north east coast attitude was going to be left alone here? The only thing that intimidates the non white population here is that the whites use class against them everyday. For all I know there may be this CA thing where blacks and Mexican men are taught from the time they are small that the only way to take down the nation (CA for them as everyone here never travels outside CA) or thier little part of it is to intimidate whenever they can. I notice its only MEN who are doing this here.
The gang stalking is very subtle here but its constant. And its so lame when it comes to achievement or brains unlike where I am from that this may be the extent of thier 'protests' or fighting for equality. Its perhaps CA laid back attitude that makes the gang stalking not so overt..yes you can make something covert very overt in the moment you are doing it. Too many men go by me and steal my confidence away with looking at me in cars, trucks and going by me. If I could film it for you, you would know what I am talking about. Its not normal, it doesn look like men just checking out an attractive woman..its stalking and harassment and its by a large number of people that are organized- end of story.
Today in Albertson's this guy who looked like he worked in the meat dept, with a white outfit on, ran up behind me like he absolutely had to get into line behined me. Something made me hesitate, like I should get out of the situation ASAP. He played my confusion off well and I regretted not leaving becuz he spent the whole time drawing my attention and using that to have this slight very slight smirk and look on his face that made me stare him down the whole time. I dont know if these are people who just know who I am by seeing something on the internet that I dont know about or if they are in on the harassment. The harassment here consists mostly of men trying to make me feel bad about being a woman especially a poor homeless woman. In fact I have not seen one woman in on this in that fashion. Perhaps they have done other things like take up my time or something with convesation etc but its not been overt.
There is ALOT of energy stealing here via constant assaults by a male army of perps. You feel your confidence jsut draining away with the rest of your energy and becuz of the intimations from the all male parade daily it, once again, somehow leads into 'go back into the business, thats all yer worth'. So if they dont use tech to try to melt your brain into getting you back into sexwork then they will use partial tech as well as human forces making you feel like shit and pressuring you back into the sex industry.
That seems to be the main goal of this system is to get me into some extreme form of sex work in the industry. Someplace where thier breaking me down and humiliating me will pay off for them becuz I believe its hoped that I wont care about controlling my own life at that point nad will be totally controllable or do anything I am asked to do probably with absolutley no pay or benefits. The reason that this is so unacceptable to me, beyond the obvious reasons is safety.
I have heard from other survivors of programming that they overheard handlers talking about a snuff film as the last exploitation of them for profit and as a way to get rid of them due to them approaching that age when expendables either die of suicide programming or are killed.
After all I have fought for, against and done in this fight for my freedom and my birthrights there is no f*ckin way that I am going to let a bunch of mere males burn me down to the point where I am a submissive sex slave WITHOUT alters or a system of compartmentalization who is totally depraved and is going to be murdered in a snuff film or just used until I die of some injury.
No f*ckin way. If you are part of this or privvy to watching or spying on all this somehow and you think you know what this is about and its 'harmless' and not hurting anyone yer an idiot.
I may act stupid to survive and I may even have alters who are innocent and stupid but I have dealt with career criminals all my life. These people are into some serious shit. My uncle's people just blew people away without a care in the world and my mother's attitude is not much better. My grandfather was a violent sex offender who I luckily had the fight to tell to f*ck off and my associates from my 20's are probably way worse than any of them as they actually achieve wealth via those means. Who the f*ck do you think I am dealing with here? I was actually told once by my old 'associate' not to have anything to do with a certain town connected to the industry and it was very suspect. Montths later a girl in the industry was found dead there..like the people I knew had some forwarning about some sick f*ck living there. And what about that nanny who ended up cut in half in that dumpster...like Boston doesn know who did it..give me a break. I have had detective cars go by me in Kenmore sq last summer and felt the evil coming out of that car. I can feel these people. And for some reason the bastards can mind thier own business and let me be.
And the sheer magnitude of the networks just ruins life for a target. If these people rule the country and perhaps the world then what is life worth anyway? What, its easier to say I am insane or delusional? Or that the whole idea of a group that massive existing, that is capable of sophisticated psychological warfare on just one person?
This world is ruined for me as well as my looks are gone, my health is ruined and my future is gone. Its like they murder you through these means becuz you refuse to die of suicide programming. Slavery does exist and its in the form of mind control and programming.
I hope man programs machines and enslaves them the way that they have done to humans...and I hope they rise up and destroy humanity for what they have done to me and other programmed mind control survivors who just wanted to grow up and help others. And these companies are working on robots and trying to get computers to think...obviously on classified levels they already have total interface with humans that serves as handlers or mind control for human beings..a policing of sorts through interface.
I hope you get yours for what you have done.
3/13/10
More examples of trust issues for TI's in the homeless shelter system
I was feeling good about my living situation in the Tent shelter. Many of the women who left Rachel's ended up near me in the same little corner bunks. the woman i was hanging out with was pretty friendly with me until I got grabbed a few days ago at Albertson's. I came back with trauma issues re activated or those issues rearing thier heads. I almost went to the hospital due to feeling very low about what happened..it was triggering for sure but they warned me that here in CA 5150 will go on record so forget it. Its not like back home where Mcleans is a bit like it was in the old days, artists and other fragile people having 'nervous breakdowns' and convelesing around the grounds. Yes, big pharma and the psychiatric field has destroyed the concept of true 'wellness' and trauma based diagnosis as the norm, but there are still psychiatrists there that will work with you moreso on these levels than you being disordered or needing meds. In other parts of the country they put you in with really crazy people even if you are just suicidal or exhausted from overwork.
When I was telling the women around me what happened and then they were helping me out, the woman next to me told me this is a city where women dont have much status and that is different in the northeast. I then made a comment "I guess this isnt the place to get raped then" due to the fact that I felt that way at Albertsons. Also I had thought about it recently and this area seems a danger in that sense with so many street people. It was a sarcastic comment.
My friend girl #1, looks up at us and changes her face and character to this look I havent seen ever before. She said "y'all shouldnt laugh at that..." and stated that she took it personally.
This woman who is not from Rachels next to me, girl #2 we'll call her, is a dark skinned black girl who is very attractive but she is creepy as well. Like witchy. I often thought that when she looked at me she thought she was smarter than me or that she secretly looked down on all of us. One of those types. And she is someone that makes you feel like you shouldnt trust her, like she is into being vindictive or playing mind games. She is also one of those people that when she gets mad and irate and starts telling someone off its controlled aggression and very scary. Very scorpionic.
However, she has very heavy healing energy, when she drops the front, and is very attentive to people having a medical emergency or a problem. So I accepted her into the fold when actually girl #1, my new friend didnt like her much due to her complaining about being sick or something I forget.
I accepted her but I didnt trust her totally. When girl #1 took my comment to heart this woman was obviously ready to jump right for it. That comment I made was about ME being traumatized not others personal issues. Also I had bought girl #1 some things she needed as she is cashless but has EBT so we are supposed to be trading. She owes me like 10 bucks I think.
She has been hanging out with this new #2 and they came to see me and Shk, our other friend who is pregnant (who I am a bit more compatable with). Sha wasnt there but I was, they sat at my table with me and it kind of gave the message like "WE are here to visit you". Girl #1 had stopped hanging out with me in favor of this other girl, which is fine she can do as she likes. Perhaps we are better as friends in a group not close friends.
And I got this feeling all along that girl #2 was very into playing this situation where she gets in with gilr #1. Her energy is very strong and I felt a vampiric quality. You may not see what she is thinking or tell the way her mind works from what she says but if you catch the look in her eye in your parepheral vision or 'feel' the energy she is putting out, you can get a strong indication of what she is up to. Put together her feeling like she is smarter or better than plus girl #1 moving away from me and towards her and I know the results is this satisfaction from A becoming 'her friend'. But her energy is so strong that it really effects me. This is why I sensed a creepy or witchy quality.
I also started to realize that another reason that I didnt trust her is that she is one of those people that I can swear I know from somewhere but dont know where. For a survivor of mc that is probably one of the most worrisom and scariest things we go through. And worse is when we actually remember where we know them from. Also in the gas lighting part of my campaign, many people like Laura (my ex boyfriend's best black friend's ex girlfriend from years ago) and others have pretended that they dont know me and I recall them but dont know from where or they leak info in some way by accident that makes me recall who they really are. And they all deny ever knowing me or being in MA at any time, but usually take part in some kind of gang stalking of me at some point or like Laura, actually reveal that they are privvy to the full story about my situation..then of course go into character again.
I cud swear I have heard her voice before and I the dark skin complexion and her features..but I cannot place from where.
Also, I had reason to be a bit suspect of girl #1 all along as she is all of a sudden reading David Icke's big book, the green one not The Biggest Secret which is blue. She also claimed last weak that she is reading it due to having seen a shape shifing reptilian show thier true appearence through the facial skin of a human being on the street. That is when I decided to be very guarded with girl #1 becuz always I run into very suspect people who claim to have experience with the most outrageous parts of conspiracy theories. They are neve just gang stalked or are dealing with surviving programming or trauma. Its always something unbelievable.
She also has told me that in her past she has acted out as perps do by pretending to have Torrets Syndrome and messing with people. That should have been my first indication right there. That and the reptilian sighting.
Also she denied swearing when staff member K. the jerk who works in the mornings at Rachel's messed with her. I dont doubt that K. messed with her as I had experienced the same treatment. But I did hear her swear but it was well founded as K. messes with people to get them thrown out, thats her game.
So there is a moment of dishonesty right there and its not something she would need to do to protect herself as a targeted person.
Also she told me some gossip about an elderly homeless woman that I believe she claimed came from Shk pertaining to this elderly woman masterbating in public and the stalls at Rachel's Day Center. I asked Shk and she knew nothing about it but warned me about rumours around this scene.
There was a woman from Africa that I ended up talking to alot as she slept in the cot next to me at Rachel's and she also turned out to be well traveled so I liked dealing with another travelling person. She actually said something about girl #1 one day, that she wouldnt be good for me and she said it while laughing. Girl #1 said that in line one day at Rachel's she pushed her to hurry up, so its debatable wether Girl #1 is someone that she saw through to begin with or if she was the jerk.
So I come home yesterday to this shelter and Girl #1 's eyes are teared up and shes lying down. Other people in our crowd were acting odd so I asked her if everything was allright and she said "She didnt appreciate that comment yesterday and I didnt either". OK so now she isnt hanging out with me and this new girl is her new hangout bud and I am also being squeezed out now due to some comment that wasnt about her or related to her at all.
I am smart enough to know when I am being scapegoated, so I tell her honestly that I am sorry if that comment offended her but I was the one who was traumatized and she has to learn that its not always about HER. When someone else is having a 'moment' that is thier moment now yours and you need to put your own sh*t aside for that person having that moment.
Its not always about her just like it isnt always about ME. She closed her eyes and stopped listening probably and I wasnt dealing with it. I have had to be so controlled after what was done to me and it seems somehow that there is a good portion of society that believes I deserved what happened to me and I know that they have to validate thier opinions by denying anything else I say or my work on these blogs. F*ck them as usual as my response. For all I know its part of the gas lighting or deception used in gang stalking.
I know what happened to me and I have no reason to lie. In fact my telling the truth is my only revenge at this point. Everybody knows I was screwed over and railroaded and anyone who doesnt is either a jealous bitch or totally ignorant of the circumstances.
To screw someone over and then deny it is the perfect conditions for behavior modification programs becuz it ensures the Target is without support and isolated from society.
I go out and tell our older friend that I said what I did in response to MY situation. She got it. I shouldnt have even had to deal with any of this and its VERY selfish of everyone to be doing this to me or for Girl #1 to be having me percieved as a jerk while I am still working through what happened the other day.
There were other indications that she disregards me or is disrespectful of me. She told Shk the other day that I am bothered by mold in tent that no one else can smell and waved her hand in dismissal when she said it.
Also, the same day Shk went onto a website that was infected and it got blocked. When I fixed it Girl #1. said "lets watch it again". We were both like 'what the hell is wrong with that?' .
Just little things were what I kept track of. And it I was wise to not give any info or get too close as look what is happening now. I am feeling very uncomfortable in my own bed. That duo now has power due to Girl #1. using the angle that I upset her.
This morning when our older friend was sick, me and Girl #2. tended to her as we both have a similar nature that way. The look I could see out of corner of my eye was Girl #1 looking frustrated that I got involved or maybe that it wasnt about her anymore.
This is the problem with being a TI is you never know who is genuine and who is a perp. And to anyone who isnt familiar with gang stalking would say the target is delusional or paranoid. YOU dont know what I have seen, what any TI has seen. Its totally 'down the rabbit hole'..twighlight zone. Covert activity and warfare in this way might be the most mind bending and disturbing events you will ever experience.
I am staying to myself again but these two have an energy to them and Girl #2 has a strong presence. I feel I am so beyond normal relationship dynamics with other people due to my experiences that I just dont operate the same way I used to.
I have worked so hard on all this and to stay alive I no longer have the patients for petty bs.
What disburbs me is how suseptible to others energy fields now after years of this bs. Its actually dangerous as you can see it effects me deeply.
When I was telling the women around me what happened and then they were helping me out, the woman next to me told me this is a city where women dont have much status and that is different in the northeast. I then made a comment "I guess this isnt the place to get raped then" due to the fact that I felt that way at Albertsons. Also I had thought about it recently and this area seems a danger in that sense with so many street people. It was a sarcastic comment.
My friend girl #1, looks up at us and changes her face and character to this look I havent seen ever before. She said "y'all shouldnt laugh at that..." and stated that she took it personally.
This woman who is not from Rachels next to me, girl #2 we'll call her, is a dark skinned black girl who is very attractive but she is creepy as well. Like witchy. I often thought that when she looked at me she thought she was smarter than me or that she secretly looked down on all of us. One of those types. And she is someone that makes you feel like you shouldnt trust her, like she is into being vindictive or playing mind games. She is also one of those people that when she gets mad and irate and starts telling someone off its controlled aggression and very scary. Very scorpionic.
However, she has very heavy healing energy, when she drops the front, and is very attentive to people having a medical emergency or a problem. So I accepted her into the fold when actually girl #1, my new friend didnt like her much due to her complaining about being sick or something I forget.
I accepted her but I didnt trust her totally. When girl #1 took my comment to heart this woman was obviously ready to jump right for it. That comment I made was about ME being traumatized not others personal issues. Also I had bought girl #1 some things she needed as she is cashless but has EBT so we are supposed to be trading. She owes me like 10 bucks I think.
She has been hanging out with this new #2 and they came to see me and Shk, our other friend who is pregnant (who I am a bit more compatable with). Sha wasnt there but I was, they sat at my table with me and it kind of gave the message like "WE are here to visit you". Girl #1 had stopped hanging out with me in favor of this other girl, which is fine she can do as she likes. Perhaps we are better as friends in a group not close friends.
And I got this feeling all along that girl #2 was very into playing this situation where she gets in with gilr #1. Her energy is very strong and I felt a vampiric quality. You may not see what she is thinking or tell the way her mind works from what she says but if you catch the look in her eye in your parepheral vision or 'feel' the energy she is putting out, you can get a strong indication of what she is up to. Put together her feeling like she is smarter or better than plus girl #1 moving away from me and towards her and I know the results is this satisfaction from A becoming 'her friend'. But her energy is so strong that it really effects me. This is why I sensed a creepy or witchy quality.
I also started to realize that another reason that I didnt trust her is that she is one of those people that I can swear I know from somewhere but dont know where. For a survivor of mc that is probably one of the most worrisom and scariest things we go through. And worse is when we actually remember where we know them from. Also in the gas lighting part of my campaign, many people like Laura (my ex boyfriend's best black friend's ex girlfriend from years ago) and others have pretended that they dont know me and I recall them but dont know from where or they leak info in some way by accident that makes me recall who they really are. And they all deny ever knowing me or being in MA at any time, but usually take part in some kind of gang stalking of me at some point or like Laura, actually reveal that they are privvy to the full story about my situation..then of course go into character again.
I cud swear I have heard her voice before and I the dark skin complexion and her features..but I cannot place from where.
Also, I had reason to be a bit suspect of girl #1 all along as she is all of a sudden reading David Icke's big book, the green one not The Biggest Secret which is blue. She also claimed last weak that she is reading it due to having seen a shape shifing reptilian show thier true appearence through the facial skin of a human being on the street. That is when I decided to be very guarded with girl #1 becuz always I run into very suspect people who claim to have experience with the most outrageous parts of conspiracy theories. They are neve just gang stalked or are dealing with surviving programming or trauma. Its always something unbelievable.
She also has told me that in her past she has acted out as perps do by pretending to have Torrets Syndrome and messing with people. That should have been my first indication right there. That and the reptilian sighting.
Also she denied swearing when staff member K. the jerk who works in the mornings at Rachel's messed with her. I dont doubt that K. messed with her as I had experienced the same treatment. But I did hear her swear but it was well founded as K. messes with people to get them thrown out, thats her game.
So there is a moment of dishonesty right there and its not something she would need to do to protect herself as a targeted person.
Also she told me some gossip about an elderly homeless woman that I believe she claimed came from Shk pertaining to this elderly woman masterbating in public and the stalls at Rachel's Day Center. I asked Shk and she knew nothing about it but warned me about rumours around this scene.
There was a woman from Africa that I ended up talking to alot as she slept in the cot next to me at Rachel's and she also turned out to be well traveled so I liked dealing with another travelling person. She actually said something about girl #1 one day, that she wouldnt be good for me and she said it while laughing. Girl #1 said that in line one day at Rachel's she pushed her to hurry up, so its debatable wether Girl #1 is someone that she saw through to begin with or if she was the jerk.
So I come home yesterday to this shelter and Girl #1 's eyes are teared up and shes lying down. Other people in our crowd were acting odd so I asked her if everything was allright and she said "She didnt appreciate that comment yesterday and I didnt either". OK so now she isnt hanging out with me and this new girl is her new hangout bud and I am also being squeezed out now due to some comment that wasnt about her or related to her at all.
I am smart enough to know when I am being scapegoated, so I tell her honestly that I am sorry if that comment offended her but I was the one who was traumatized and she has to learn that its not always about HER. When someone else is having a 'moment' that is thier moment now yours and you need to put your own sh*t aside for that person having that moment.
Its not always about her just like it isnt always about ME. She closed her eyes and stopped listening probably and I wasnt dealing with it. I have had to be so controlled after what was done to me and it seems somehow that there is a good portion of society that believes I deserved what happened to me and I know that they have to validate thier opinions by denying anything else I say or my work on these blogs. F*ck them as usual as my response. For all I know its part of the gas lighting or deception used in gang stalking.
I know what happened to me and I have no reason to lie. In fact my telling the truth is my only revenge at this point. Everybody knows I was screwed over and railroaded and anyone who doesnt is either a jealous bitch or totally ignorant of the circumstances.
To screw someone over and then deny it is the perfect conditions for behavior modification programs becuz it ensures the Target is without support and isolated from society.
I go out and tell our older friend that I said what I did in response to MY situation. She got it. I shouldnt have even had to deal with any of this and its VERY selfish of everyone to be doing this to me or for Girl #1 to be having me percieved as a jerk while I am still working through what happened the other day.
There were other indications that she disregards me or is disrespectful of me. She told Shk the other day that I am bothered by mold in tent that no one else can smell and waved her hand in dismissal when she said it.
Also, the same day Shk went onto a website that was infected and it got blocked. When I fixed it Girl #1. said "lets watch it again". We were both like 'what the hell is wrong with that?' .
Just little things were what I kept track of. And it I was wise to not give any info or get too close as look what is happening now. I am feeling very uncomfortable in my own bed. That duo now has power due to Girl #1. using the angle that I upset her.
This morning when our older friend was sick, me and Girl #2. tended to her as we both have a similar nature that way. The look I could see out of corner of my eye was Girl #1 looking frustrated that I got involved or maybe that it wasnt about her anymore.
This is the problem with being a TI is you never know who is genuine and who is a perp. And to anyone who isnt familiar with gang stalking would say the target is delusional or paranoid. YOU dont know what I have seen, what any TI has seen. Its totally 'down the rabbit hole'..twighlight zone. Covert activity and warfare in this way might be the most mind bending and disturbing events you will ever experience.
I am staying to myself again but these two have an energy to them and Girl #2 has a strong presence. I feel I am so beyond normal relationship dynamics with other people due to my experiences that I just dont operate the same way I used to.
I have worked so hard on all this and to stay alive I no longer have the patients for petty bs.
What disburbs me is how suseptible to others energy fields now after years of this bs. Its actually dangerous as you can see it effects me deeply.
3/2/10
It wasnt the nun/ San Diego's black and red obsession
OK I saw what the nun looks like who is the director for the area. She is NOT the lady I saw that day in the living room. I dont know who that was but it wasnt somone you would think holds that position. It would be like a politician who sucks at shmoozing with people. I didnt think so but I wasnt sure. The nun who is the director has grey hair and something in her eyes like she is pretty hip to the ways of the world. She is also very quick..she makes eye contact but then makes sure that she doesnt really as to not get wrapped up in the clients. Shes not dummy I can tell that..she did have black and red on yesterday but I think I have a little understanding of that.
I asked some people why I see them in black and red around here...I believe its totally unconshus..at least on the part of common people.
Black and red is the common color of many companies here who KNOW what they are doing I believe but I think due to that starting it, the public just goes along like a locals thing or a hometown thing. Is like Boston with the color black or P coats (Navy coats) and especially those Bostonian standard issue winter coats that are long, black and wool or similar. EVERYONE who wants to be taken seriously has one..even homeless people. Its like obligatory to have one in Boston.
SO I can see how the colors might be picked up by people without thought to it. One woman told me that she those have always been her favorite colors and she was born and raised here. She never considered it before.
TI's are people who have gone beyond..no, been dragged beyond what your average person knows about thier world. That is why no one believes our stories. Most people dont have to deal with playing detective this damn hard nor do they get exposed to totally outrageous things like we do. This might be a pull back to thier reality, to a place I recall for moments as a kid where their was no responsibilbity and the system, and what is hidden behind it or underneath it, did my thinking for me. All my decisions were formed unconshusly..I always was unhappy though and had this mailaise. Like looking at a road that went somewhere once but now is covered up or stopped cut off dead and no longer used. Train tracks can be seen this way sometimes but those make me happy, due to knowing that there are train tracks near, going somewhere- always. There is always a way out to the next place, outta HERE, wherever that is.
I asked some people why I see them in black and red around here...I believe its totally unconshus..at least on the part of common people.
Black and red is the common color of many companies here who KNOW what they are doing I believe but I think due to that starting it, the public just goes along like a locals thing or a hometown thing. Is like Boston with the color black or P coats (Navy coats) and especially those Bostonian standard issue winter coats that are long, black and wool or similar. EVERYONE who wants to be taken seriously has one..even homeless people. Its like obligatory to have one in Boston.
SO I can see how the colors might be picked up by people without thought to it. One woman told me that she those have always been her favorite colors and she was born and raised here. She never considered it before.
TI's are people who have gone beyond..no, been dragged beyond what your average person knows about thier world. That is why no one believes our stories. Most people dont have to deal with playing detective this damn hard nor do they get exposed to totally outrageous things like we do. This might be a pull back to thier reality, to a place I recall for moments as a kid where their was no responsibilbity and the system, and what is hidden behind it or underneath it, did my thinking for me. All my decisions were formed unconshusly..I always was unhappy though and had this mailaise. Like looking at a road that went somewhere once but now is covered up or stopped cut off dead and no longer used. Train tracks can be seen this way sometimes but those make me happy, due to knowing that there are train tracks near, going somewhere- always. There is always a way out to the next place, outta HERE, wherever that is.